Does playing it small make you feel safe? Will keeping your mouth shut really benefit others? By not speaking out, are we being too cautious/conscious of others journey’s…OR are we not shining our light? Let’s find a balance of Authenticity & Integrity…
One of the first mottos/mantras I received about 6 years ago was: “Only I am responsible for what I think, feel, say & do.” I still live by this, but recently, at some point I feel like I turned too inward, and abandoned my voice. Really feeling & respecting the space that other people are on their own journey, and therefore, I did not need to speak out as I had in the past. I feel this led to a shutdown of my throat chakra. I have been experiencing extremely tight neck muscles, had strep throat last November, and then some gum issues.
To honor another’s journey, and not speak out about my own feelings, began a decline in my opinion, and throat energy. I then felt as if I were floating through my days so passively, that emotions were not as strong and beautiful as they once were.
Two weeks ago, it all came bubbling out. I had been pushing some emotions down. (it had to happen this way, as you’ll see if you keep reading…)
After giving what was to be an extremely transformational workshop to 1 person, I exploded. Not in front of her, but as I was packing up. Sick and fucking tired of all the flakey, ungrounded, people in this “conscious” world. Not just teachers, but participants as well. Authenticity & Integrity were what came to my mind.
The HOURS and HOURS of sitting, allowing classes, workshops, events, to come through; the packing, planning, and prep for each one; the space & energy held during them…do you have any idea how much that takes??? Granted, I’m in a place where I feel very blessed to be able to do all of this, and do it well with strength & grace. Well, maybe I was confusing grace with doormat…
Here’s what gets me….the “I’m interested” and then no-shows. The multitude of last minute “Sorry can’t make it…(for whatever reason.) “OH, I am sooooooooo excited for your workshop!” (and then crickets.)
For the longest time, I was like “Well…It’s all in divine timing, and no worries, let me just lay down so you can probably do it again next time.”
Well, fuck no! I have been pushing my feelings down regarding this issue. Yes, It is your path. Yes, it is all in divine timing. And here’s the thing people…It’s Divine timing NOW to get GROUNDED!!! Take responsibility for what you say. Have Integrity! Be Authentic!
You are in this body for a reason….to experience BEING IN THE BODY! Here…ON EARTH!
It’s all groovy to hang out in the upper chakras..(meditation, spirituality, deep conversations, exploring other realms, lucid dreaming, psychedelics, etc…) But at the end of the day, you are HUMAN. Do you like sex? The taste of certain foods? Hearing music? Hugs? Walking? Laughing?
This is not to knock any of the latter. They can be & some have been, very useful to me. I hear people all the time say how they want to “heal the world.” Well, unless you come back into your body, how can you possibly heal a world in which you do not function? One in which you don’t actively, and consciously participate in?
Yes, get yourself good. Discover your light. Find out how to implement a daily routine that works for YOU. Build a foundation of spirituality in your human body & life that will be strong enough for you to layer bricks of inspiring change on!
What is your Authenticity? What does Integrity mean to you?
Wake up to YOU! Remember your light. And then expand this light by putting it out into the world & actively participating. Just don’t say you will. Thanks for that, it sounds good and all but…
Now before you pop a lid off at what I’m saying, let me tie something in. SHADOW WORK. What upsets you about others, is a mirror for you to identify that which is upsetting you about yourself. SO after my class, and my emotional explosion, I sat and felt into where I was not being authentic, and where my integrity was lacking.
1.- My voice. I had not been speaking up for myself. Letting passivity start to rule me, because I was too worried about others’ journeys. Being respectful is one thing. This fine line of honoring another, yet being true to your self is quite thin! I love to write, and this is where my voice gets to come out. Not posting on social media in the heat of the moment. That just doesn’t feel right to me. It’s challenging enough to try and communicate our multitude of vibrations with words, not to mention the lack of tone and feeling when one is reading a post with it being interpreted in their own head & voice.
2.- I had fallen back into expecting from others. I had gotten too heady about events, classes, and thinking that just because someone knew me, they KNEW me and what I can provide, if they so choose. I forgot that my job is to bring JOY, PLAY, PLEASURE and LAUGHTER into MY life, and to BE love & light. It is NOT my responsibility to heal the world. Nor is it anyone’s. I am not a teacher, or healer. I am a MUSE.
You’ve probably heard it before…”By shining our own light, we give other’s the permission to shine their’s.” THIS, and ONLY THIS is what will influence positive change in our world. Change is inevitable, it’s actually the only constant.
Build your lighthouse, and fill up. Then give, and give, and give, with no expectations.
I have been collecting loose-change, (pennies, dimes, etc…) I’ve found for a while. I placed it on my alter last month. When I cleared that alter to create a new one this past new moon, intuitively I placed all the change in my purse. It was time to put this energy back out. Last week at the gas station, this amazing woman, very eclectically dressed, asked for change in the nicest & most polite way I’ve ever heard. As I reached into my purse, I thought, “What, am I only gonna give her 50 cents? $1?” No. The only option I could see for me, was to give her all of it. There’s nothing else I was to do. No judgement. Just give. And so I did. It was so much she had to use 2 hands and even then, it overflowed onto the ground. It was like thought and choice didn’t exist. Spirit came through and delivered that transaction as I witnessed it. I felt completely authentic, with 100% integrity. Again, words cannot express this exactly.
I am done playing small. I will continue with the best of my ability to practice all I’ve written in here. If you catch me not doing so, use YOUR voice and please let me know. I promise to do the same.
I love you!!!
Hugs & Love,